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Do you remember the anxiety you have experienced all your life, the worry about the crumbling of the Great Wall of China? Don’t worry anymore.
Now, humanity’s longest tribute to war-induced paranoia will be on the mend. It appears that the enterprising Communist nation has an abundant new supply of materials with which to rebuild it: the millions of lead-laden toys, bibs and other baby accessories that its cheap manufacturers shipped to Mattel and other toy manufacturers, by the millions. of scary mothers.
But, as Confucius says, “Toys made with lead paint eventually go back to the factory.”
Or, in a more contemporary vein, “From China with Lead” is turning into “Back at you from America”.
Even as you read this, the colorful plastic remedy is tending towards its eternal destiny, as ships laden with returned Barbie dolls, Mattel cars, painted bibs, and other childish delights make their way to their wretched homeland.
Of course, given the way the rocks put together have a way to return to their place of origin, especially with the constant help of enthusiastic vandals, the ancient enormity has been shattered almost since it was started. In fact, less than half of its 4,000-mile stretch still climbs above zero today.
And Mao, the economic moron he was, didn’t help the matter. He was unable to imagine the stony wonder of the world as nothing more than a superfluous feudal curiosity, let alone a hot tourist attraction that could help sustain his decrepit status of him. Thus large portions of it were demolished and transformed into functional equipment of its workers’ paradise, such as dams, roads and stone huts.
But now the new communist elite is receiving more than enough resilient material to restore its entire length.
Rebuilt as a sort of toy landfill, the rebuilt immensity, to the delight of state capitalists around the world, will become a bigger wonder than ever for tourists. Imagine the colorful visiting look of its renewed grandeur, compacted with a rainbow of plastic toys, from which weird appendages and bumpers pop out.
If such an original method of wall reconstruction were to become an architectural reality and an infallible outrage, what could have become The Great Fall of China could be elevated to an expanded source of latter-day Chinese prosperity.
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